I have decided that I need to take steps to be more positive...and therefore hopefully happier. Not to say I am not happy now, but anyone can get in a habit of dwelling on the bad things and this creates a lot of negative energy. Let's face it, times are tough and sometimes bad things seem to pile up and happen all at once. However, I feel that it is important to either try and see the positive in your situation or find something you have learned from that situation and try to make that your positive. Every cloud has a silver lining. Sometimes it is just tough trying to find it. Sometimes you may not even know that the particular situation is doing something to help shape who you will become. Dwelling on bad things is tough on me. It makes me feel sick, anxious, and depressed. I really just don't want to do it anymore. I need to stop caring what others think, stop taking things so personally, and begin to realize that the only person's approval I need is my own. So, these are the steps I think I need to change in order to be in a more positive place.
1. No gossiping.
Let's admit it. Gossiping is something that most people are guilty of. It is a distraction from things that are happening in your life. However, it can be hurtful and it stems off of negative energy. Sometimes though it is a good stress relief....so is there a happy medium? Yes, I think so. This is where guilty pleasures come in. Celebrities and reality shows. I am sure it is hurtful sometimes when a celebrity, or someone on a reality show, hears people say things about them. However, if you are sitting around talking with your friends then there is little to no chance of them knowing anything. I think it is a bad idea to go on a public forum and blast them. For example, the people who go on a celebrity fan page to blast their dislike is not a good way for me to stop being negative. However, I don't think sitting around with the friends talking about your opinions of this weeks Teen Mom is really going to do much harm. If all I have to say is bad things though then this may be an activity I also need to cut out. Baby steps though....baby steps. I am going to try my best effort to not engage in gossip. If people are sitting around talking about another person then I have to just walk away. Remember that game you played as a child when you stood in a line and whispered in someones ear? By the time it got to the end of the line it was always something completely different. This is because people hear things differently based on their perceptions. Gossiping often involves overstepping into someones privacy. This leads to a loss of trust. Think of the biggest gossip you know: Do you trust them with your personal business? Often times not but sometimes we get so involved in gossip that we end up telling this person something in order to get his/her trust so we can hear more. I just really cannot see a single good thing that can come from gossiping can can name at least 5 (probably more if I had to) bad things about it.
2. When listening to others tell about their problems try to help focus on the positive.
If someone needs to talk and vent to me then I shall either just listen or help them through their problem by trying to help them see the positive. I think I am already pretty good about this. I am also pretty sure it annoys most people that I do this because I am the jerk that is crashing the pity party. This is not to say that I don't throw some pretty raging pity parties of my own. However, it is time to outgrow this party lifestyle which is why I am making a list. (It may also be because I like to make lists). The point I am trying to make is that when a person tells you all their problems and you help them dwell on all the bad things then you are feeding into negativity. In case you are just tuning in, I am trying to not be negative anymore so I am stepping away from co-dependency. I also think I am doing you a disservice if I help you to focus on the bad, even if that is what you think you want. You'll thank me one day, or you'll run away kicking and screaming and find somebody else to feed into it. I am going to try and avoid negativity as much as humanely possible. This may sound hard because negativity is everywhere and it is basically impossible to not be around negative people. However, just because people around you are negative does not mean that you need to go on a giant friend and family cut ( I mean if that works for you then do your thing but I refuse to turn my back on people I care about because they don't want to be just like me). I just have to not get sucked in. Try to stay positive. Put my little bubble on and just keep swimming. I do not have to defend everything because who really cares if they agree with me. My favorite part about people is how different they are and I have no interest in being friends with a bunch of puppets. I love that people have different opinions from me. It leads to a lot of interesting conversations. However, when they want to be negative I can easily push it aside and concentrate on something that will not drain all of my energy. I am not saying that I don't want people to talk to me if they need someone to talk to. I am just saying I don't want to hear you say how terrible everything is and how it is never going to be better 10 billion times without any interest in how to try and improve your situation. Basically, if you are wanting someone to agree with you about how much everything sucks I am probably not the best person to come to because I will probably name 30 solutions to your problem while you are telling me why they all just couldn't possibly work. Maybe I should stop trying to give solutions to people who are obviously not going to listen or even try to hear a solution? I could listen to the problem say I am sorry you feel bad and then move on, or maybe offer one solution to see if they really want a solution or someone to join in their negativity. If I don't go on about it then there is no reason for the person to continue to tell me why the everything will always be bad. I could use an opinion on this.
3. Stop complaining
This is a really bad habit of mine. I have a headache. I have too much to do. WaWaWa. I complain way too much. However, I suppose if I want to be a happy person I need to stop. I mean why do you want to hear about every single time I have a headache. I probably gave myself a headache from complaining too much. When I complain I seem to get stuck on the complaint and instead of wasting time complaining about it I need to instead find a solution to fix it. It is hard to improve something I don't like if I am using all my energy being upset about it. Any ideas on how to stop being such a compulsive complainer? I guess I just need to be aware and not do it. I need to try and think of how it could always be worse and try to find that silver lining.
Being negative is draining all of my energy and it is preventing me from accomplishing things. I need to make myself do better because I know I am capable of it. I mean who doesn't want to be happy? I have a lot of good in my life right now and it is important to focus on them. The rest will fall in place.
