He's Just Not That Into Me

I have been with the same person for close to 13 years. We aren't married but have 3 kids together. During this time I have spent way too much time trying to get him to .....well basically just treat me like I existed. I was 18 when we got together and 19 when we had our first child. I know that some of the reason for him being so closed off is my fault. I used to be impatient, insecure, and just mean. I try really hard to be a good person but I treated him terribly. I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late. Don't get me wrong he was no angel and has the name grumpy guy for a reason. He has somehow managed to avoid a serious conversation for our entire relationship. Imagine how frustrating it is to try and fix issues in your relationship when the other person just walks away, refuses to talk about it, and tells you that you are just trying to start a fight. Then the conversation never gets revisited. It's not surprising that I got so frustrated and acted the way I did. That does not make my behavior okay.

I have realized my mistakes and have tried so hard to make them right. I have put a good amount of effort everyday trying to do something to show that I want this.

I got nothing in return. Nothing is changing and when I try to discuss it I am told that is just the way he is and I am trying to change him. This hurts because I am not trying to change him but just trying to feel important. I am trying to feel loved. I am trying to feel relevant. So now is where I give up. It's where I have to realize that I can't fix this alone. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. It sucks. I've been between crying and trying to force a smile for days. However, a part of me is thankful that I am blessed enough that this is one of the worst things to happen to me because it could be so much worse. There are people that have to deal with much harder things in life. That thought kind of makes it easier. I know that this part of my life will be hard but I am strong and I will come out okay, and no matter how hard it is I know it's time to move on.

Grumpy Guy takes a Survey but doesn't Know It

I found a survey I gave grumpy guy in the beginning of Facebook days without him knowing about it. I thought I would share.

In the beginning of Facebook days my spelling was terrible....ignore that.

45 ODD things about you. If you opened this.. FILL IT OUT!Learn 45 things about your friends and let them learn things about you!
1. Do you like blue cheese?
on chicken wings

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? no

3. Do you own a gun?
what the fuck kinda stupid question is that....several

4. What flavor do you add to your drink?
nothin

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? fuck kinda stupid question is that

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
nothing they're alright

7. Favorite Christmas movies? rudolph

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
milk

9. Can you do push-ups?
not to good anymore

10. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
STUPID! i don't where jewelry (then he lit his fart)

11. What is your favorite hobby?
don't have one right at the moment

12. What is one trait that you love about yourself?
is this fuckin therapy? 

13. What is one trait you dislike about yourself?
bein lazy

14. Middle name?
what the fuck kinda stupid question is that? u should know that

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. garbage
2. garbage
3.garbage

16. Name 3 things you bought today:
cigarettes, gas, crap

17. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink:
pop, milk, water, I"M BUSY!

18. What you are worried about? how many gigs that is...that ones a 20 seems to be workin

19. What do you hate right now?
ur mom (he doesn't really hate you mom)

20. Favorite place to be?
hawaii

21. How did you bring in the New Year?
I think i went to bed at like 10:30

22. Where would you like to go?
i don't care...to the garbage dump

23. Name two people who will complete this?
n/a

24. Do you own slippers?
Fuck no!

26. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I don't give a shit

27. Favorite color?
blue...u should know that to

28. Would you be a pirate?
hell yea! in a heartbeat

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
none

30. Favorite girl's name?
don't know...i don't have one

31. Favorite boy's name? dirt

32. What is in your pocket right now?
i don't have any pockets

33. Last person that made you laugh?
david

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
wizard of oz

35. Worst injury you have ever had?
broken wrist

36.. Do you love where you live?
kind of

37. How many TVs do you have?3

38. Who is your loudest friend?
mike...dirt

39. What is your fav book?(making noises) i don't have one

40. Favorite season?
spring

41. Favorite holiday? fourth of july

42. How many friends could you call your BEST friends?
Four or five

43. What song do you want played at your funeral? i don't know

44. What were you doing at midnight?
sleepin

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?coffee.