He's Just Not That Into Me

I have been with the same person for close to 13 years. We aren't married but have 3 kids together. During this time I have spent way too much time trying to get him to .....well basically just treat me like I existed. I was 18 when we got together and 19 when we had our first child. I know that some of the reason for him being so closed off is my fault. I used to be impatient, insecure, and just mean. I try really hard to be a good person but I treated him terribly. I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late. Don't get me wrong he was no angel and has the name grumpy guy for a reason. He has somehow managed to avoid a serious conversation for our entire relationship. Imagine how frustrating it is to try and fix issues in your relationship when the other person just walks away, refuses to talk about it, and tells you that you are just trying to start a fight. Then the conversation never gets revisited. It's not surprising that I got so frustrated and acted the way I did. That does not make my behavior okay.

I have realized my mistakes and have tried so hard to make them right. I have put a good amount of effort everyday trying to do something to show that I want this.

I got nothing in return. Nothing is changing and when I try to discuss it I am told that is just the way he is and I am trying to change him. This hurts because I am not trying to change him but just trying to feel important. I am trying to feel loved. I am trying to feel relevant. So now is where I give up. It's where I have to realize that I can't fix this alone. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. It sucks. I've been between crying and trying to force a smile for days. However, a part of me is thankful that I am blessed enough that this is one of the worst things to happen to me because it could be so much worse. There are people that have to deal with much harder things in life. That thought kind of makes it easier. I know that this part of my life will be hard but I am strong and I will come out okay, and no matter how hard it is I know it's time to move on.